3 Things I Wish I knew Before I got Married to Sugar

1. How to fight the proper way.

A lot of my friends tend to assume that Sugar and I never fight. Here is the truth: if we are still together and in love, it has a lot to do with the fact that we do fight just like the other couples. We try to do it the right way though…

Conflict is necessary in life for many reasons. And yes, there is a proper way to argue. When I just got married, I used to get irritated easily. Now, I deal with things differently. What happened? Well, I have learned that fighting over certain things is just not worth my time, and my husband’s sense of humor always helps.  We both compromise more. We value each other more.  Consequently, we get to love each other more.

Little Secret: The mother of one of our friends has been married for over twenty-five years to her dear husband. This sweet lady told Sugar and I that one good piece of advice would be not to let people—even if they live under the same roof with us—know when we are mad at each other!

On a side note, I personally think that one should also make sure that he/she never rants about his/her relationship problems on social media. That just won’t help your marriage! Sorry.

2. When you marry a man, you marry his family.

Have you ever heard of that saying before? I, myself, am very familiar with it, but I never really took it seriously… Until I got married.

 Now, I am going to go ahead and assume that you know that most people usually mean it in a negative way, but guess what? Apparently, it does not have the same meaning to everyone because I have to admit that I find myself being happy when his family members have some good news, and truly sad when things are not so good. I really care for them. Don’t get me wrong, I have known Sugar’s family for years, which means that I had a relationship with them before getting married. What I am trying to say though is that I have a stronger bond with them now.

Some people might say that I believe that I love them simply because Sugar does while others might think that I have no choice but to say I care for them. Trust me when I say this: they are not just his family members, but mine as well.

Little Secret: If you get lucky enough to have loving in-laws, please, try not to ignore that saying because they are not going away. 😉

3. Don’t go to bed angry.

So how about this one? Have you ever heard about it? In my case, it was a piece of advice that both my mother and mother-in-law gave me on my wedding day.

Unfortunately, now that I have been married for almost a year, I strongly disagree with it. Here is why: there are conflicts that one just cannot resolve in a short amount of time–i.e. 24 hours or less. Sometimes, all you really need is a good night of sleep, in order to be in a better state of mind than the night before. With that being said, I do not want you, guys, to start thinking that your marriage is going to be a failure if you are not happy with your partner before going to bed. That is so erroneous!

Little Secret: Well, this last one is no news, but it is a very important one, especially for young married couples. You should never sleep in different beds after a heated argument. Never. Most importantly,  always say the magic words, “I love you”, whether you want to or not. Sugar and I always do, and it is a constant reminder of the reason why we really got married. Love.

 

 

 

What Do You Want?

Yes, you! What do you want?

There is no such a thing as a guide to being a perfect spouse/partner. In other words, if you want your significant other to do certain things for you, you must be showing him the way. For instance, if you want your husband to tell you that he loves you more often, you need to start by reminding him how much you care for him. We, human beings, tend to forget that other people usually treat us the same way we treat them or ourselves for that matter. Let’s  be realistic for a second: if you are not paying any attention to your man , why are you expecting him to notice you?

I remember back in high school, I used to hope that Sugar would give me flowers. Of course, like most girls/women usually do, I never told him what I was wishing for until that one day when I finally realized that if I wanted something to happen, I needed to do something about it. Consequently, I bought him some white flowers. When he realized that they were for him, he melted—figuratively, of course. Trust me when I say this: Sugar got my message, and has been giving me flowers ever since. I strongly believe that actions speak louder than words. That is why I did not just tell him what I wanted, but I gave him the opportunity to feel what it was like to receive flowers from a loved one.

Now, if you are, by any chance, in the same situation that I was in: you obviously do not have to give him flowers. Especially if you think that it might make you or him feel uncomfortable, but just keep in mind that no one ever said that a man could not enjoy receiving flowers. Society made you believe that only women should! I hope you see the difference…

Finally, if you are trying to improve your love life, you do not have to agree with every thing that I said, but listen to the King of Pop, start with the man woman in the mirror…